Ghetto Kitchen #2
Hello again! After the last round of Ghetto Kitchen, I got a lot of feedback--some good, some not so good. Mostly, I got a lot of questions like, why would you promote unhealthy eating when half of America is obese? or, if you like cooking so much, shouldn't you be a lot better at it by now? or, is this a joke? Sheesh, you guys are like the developmentally disabled kid sister I never had. For starters, let's talk about portioning. There are no serving sizes listed on these recipes, because, yeah, if you have enough of anything you'll be constipated for a week and want to reach for the noose when you look in the mirror. If you're the self-loathing type. If you're the self-loving type then please continue past all this nonsense. Plus if you're obese, then ten pounds should just be another drop in the bucket, right? Secondly, I'm a great cook. But not everybody gets direct deposit with which to enjoy local organic produce from Whole Foods. Some need to hop on a bus downtown to the social security office and haggle for Father Christmas. I mean, would you sail a yacht off the coast of Sudan and host a South Beach-diet cooking show? I wouldn't. I don't have a yacht. Also, let's not forget what happened when Gwyneth Paltrow started [her website] featuring her personal recommendations for life like a half-assed Martha Stewart. Under "places", she recommended staying at the Ritz in Paris. Helloo??
 So those were just a smattering of the arguments I posed to answer the doubters. I think the line about Gywnie finally convinced them. Well, today's recipe is really more prep than cooking. I may have moved too fast last time for some of our beginning readers...

Ghetto Kitchen #2: 20¢ "Chips"

ingredients:
1 bag of ramen

prep time:
1 minute

cook time:
none

Most stores in town have a 5/$1 deal with ramen. If you went with the 4/$1 then you've been suckered. Open bag on one side only. Don't pop the bag like an obnoxious son of a bitch because when you add the seasoning later it'll fall out and you'll wonder if the popping noise was worth it. Remove the seasoning packet and set aside. Close bag with one hand and break up ramen with your other hand. You are aiming for nice half-inch by half-inch pieces of noodle. Carefully open seasoning and sprinkle inside the bag. Be sure to get some on the bottom and sides. Only use about 1/4 of the seasoning! A little goes a long way without water. Close the bag again and shake it up! Open and enjoy. My personal favorite is Oriental flavor, as chicken and beef powder don't seem to translate dry as well.