Sorry. I can't help it.
15. As your man goes down on you, ask him to draw figure eights with his tongue over your clitoris so he hits every angle.
Have him find the area and centroid of a few equiangular faces of an Archimedian solid, retracing those shapes, given by this formula:
That should really get his tongue and your blood moving for a steamy night in the sack.
23. Kiss and lick your way down his torso, stopping short of his penis, then give him a smile and work your way back up. Repeat several times until he begs for mercy.
By the 78th time, he'll be filing for a restraining order.
27. On a cold, rainy day, pick five spots in your apartment, and challenge each other to have sex in every one before sundown.
"Hey sugarplum, meet Felicia. I had her come help me with this challenge for these kitchen areas."
34. Put a frozen grape in your mouth and warm it up a bit. Then hold it between your teeth and glide it down his neck, around his nipples, and over his lips. Finally, use your tongue to slip the grape into his mouth.
Extra tip: Having a few heated vegetables ready by the bedstand is also great for explosive sex: leeks, lightly steamed, and buttered broccoflower work great.
42. Cop a trick from yoga to intensify your connection: As he enters you from behind when you’re on all fours, do cat/cow stretches, slowly rounding and then arching your backs.
Don't forget the one legged king pigeon position, eka pada rajakapotasana, while levitating.
44. While driving home one night, tell him to pull off into a secluded parking area. Then take him in the backseat.
We recommend a 9mm Jericho 941 (with an extra magazine), shooting him once between the eyes, and then riddling the rest of his body with bullets. Optionally, you can then come on his limp face, leaving the gun, and taking the cannoli.
54. Before company comes over, get it on in one of the chairs in your living room. Seeing a guest sitting there later will remind you of how naughty you were.
Seeing a guest sitting in a pool of cum and leftover dirty sanchez stains will remind you of how strong your friendship is.
65. Pick up a couple of sushi rolls, lie down on your couch, and invite your man to enjoy a meal off your naked body. If he’s not a fan of raw fish, use Gummi bears instead.
You can also use chicken fried steak or split pea soup for a fun clean up activity. He may want an aperitif wine, dessert course, or to invite guests. Be prepared to lie there naked for up to four hours.
75. Take a beaded necklace (one without exposed string or wire), lube it up, then wrap it around his penis and roll it up and down.
Gonna borrow your rosary for a sec.

Thank you. I can't wait to try these with Ty...Split Pea soup is his favorite.
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